The joke wasn't on you this year

No doubt many of you looking at the Bath Chronicle of April 1 would have been on the hunt for that classic old newspaper trick - the April Fool joke.

Perhaps you're thinking our story in that week's paper about an owl found sitting on a doorstep in the hope of finding its owners was such a story? Or perhaps you were suspicious about our yarn about a proposed exhibition on how your choice of shoes can reveal your personality? Or, perhaps, you were convinced that our April Fool joke this year was that we have given publicity to a man who has written a book about . . . how to get publicity.

Well, you would be wrong in all cases and it is because fact can often be stranger than fiction that we didn't actually do an official April Fool's Day joke at all this year.

I'm sure over the years there have been many great ones in newspapers on this particular day but the truth is they can also fall spectacularly flat – or worse.

I remember many years ago as a sports reporter in Tamworth writing an April Fool joke about a Tamworth FC player – by the name of Willie Gilmour – whom I 'hilariously' claimed was being scouted by many big clubs.

Willie, bless him, wasn't exactly the greatest player to ever grace a pitch and I assumed most of the fans of the team I was writing about would guess this was something of a wind up. However, when one of Willie's relatives rang up in a flurry of excitement to ask for more information as she didn't know about this 'story', I felt pretty bad and realised my joke hadn't exactly hit the mark.

There was, however, a much worse one in a local newspaper that is still often brought out at training courses to let us all have a collective wince.

It was a paper based in the north which had devoted its entire front page on one April 1 to a story about how the local council had gone bust and all services such as daycare, education and bin collection had been suspended with immediate notice.

Apart from being spectacularly unfunny, the problem with this is that too many people believed it and the newspaper (an even more so the entirely innocent council) were bombarded with calls from tearful people worried about the implications of this disaster.

Suffice to say, the real joke was on the editor who was allowed to spend more time with his family soon after . . .

No, if you want real comic fun this then can I point you in the direction of the Bath Comedy Festival which began its second year of hilarity on April 1?

The festival has been put together by the energetic and enthusiastic Alex Timms who has once again produced a fantastic and varied programme which will see all manner of comic turns in venues throughout Bath and indeed on the streets of the city.

We wish Alex and his comic entertainers every success and we hope that their jokes are funnier than councils going bust...

It's the way I tell 'em . . .

Like most men I happen to think I'm a pretty funny guy.

The fact that no-one else around me seems to agree is beside the point - in my own mind I am all six members of the Monty Python team rolled into one.

So, when offered the opportunity to be a stand up comedian, albeit for just a couple of minutes, I simply couldn't resist.

For on Tuesday I was invited to go on a photograph to help launch an 'open mic' in the city centre of Bath which invites people to get up and tell jokes to the unsuspecting as part of the Bath Comedy Festival.

As we were setting up the photo, I looked at the mic and like a magnet, it dragged me onto the podium.

Faced with quite a number of clearly bemused tourists, I then proceeded to do a two minute slot that had I been in a comedy club, would have probably got me booed off. I told three or four jokes - the ones in the blog below - and was delighted to receive at least one laugh per joke which I assure you is more than I normally get at home or in the office.

So, is a new star born? No, absolutely not - but if you can do better, the microphone is available near the Bath Abbey until Sunday April 12th. And it really is great fun to try.

It's the way I tell 'em.....

Last night I had a Chicken Tarka for dinner. It’s a bit like a Chicken Tikka – just a little otter.

No? How about this one? A man walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a very small glass of water for his pet amphibian. The landlord says: “Why are you giving him such a small drink?” The man replies: “Because it is my newt”.

I can sense that you’re still not laughing very loudly so I will try one more which should suit the culturally intellectual readers of this fair blog in this fair city.

Shakespeare walks into a bar and the landlord says to him angrily: “Get out William – you’re Bard”.

By now, some of you will hopefully have laughed once, twice or even, if I’m very lucky, three times. Or you might just be thinking this isn’t funny at all, why doesn’t this idiot just get to the point!

Well, today, jokes are the point. For this week we saw the launch of the first Bath Comedy Festival which is hoping to celebrate one of the greatest attributes of the British personality – our sense of humour. As Al Murray says: “Where would we be without humour”? (His answer incidentally is Germany) .

The idea of having a comedy festival here in Bath is a very good one and, in these economically challenging days, it seems that being able to put a brave, smiling face on things may just be an invaluable weapon to help counter the gloom and doom that purveys.

Of course, as the reactions (or perhaps lack of them!) to my earlier jokes will show, one of the joys of humour is that we all have different ideas of what is actually funny.

I’m sure we all know from experience that you can be laughing hysterically at something while the only amusement other people in the room are having is watching your excited reaction. Some of the very best comedy in my opinion – Alan Partridge, Monty Python and both the US and British versions of The Office – leave other people as cold as ice while I, too, can barely raise a grin at other so-called comedy favourites which sell in their bucket loads (Little Britain anyone)? And that is why the comedy festival’s huge variety of different acts, shows, walks and competitions is a great chance for people to tap into what they find personally funny and not worry about those who simply don’t get the joke.

So in wishing the Bath Comedy Festival every success I do hope that everyone can find something to laugh at because, after all, laughter and humour have many great health-giving qualities.

However, as you traipse the streets of the city in the next few weeks, let me give you a of caution. It should be noted that it is actually possible to die of laughing. In the 1970s, a 50-year-old bricklayer laughed so hard and so hysterically at an edition of The Goodies that it tragically killed him.

It sort of adds a new poignancy to the term ‘dead funny’, doesn’t it?

Crunch or no crunch, we NEED entertainment

This is a truncated version of my Bath Chronicle column of February 12

Last Tuesday morning at the latest of our excellent Bath Chronicle business breakfasts, we enjoyed an entertaining talk by Alex Timms about how he is trying to put a smile on the city’s face with the launch of the first Bath Comedy Festival, which begins (appropriately enough) on April 1.

In many ways it could be argued that at a time of such economic doom and gloom, this sort of festival might seem like a good idea but at precisely the wrong time. There is no money around, you could say, and let’s face it, there’s not much for us to laugh about either.

But, quite contrary to this, it could be that the festival is arriving at exactly the right time.

And that is because when the going gets tough we tend to get going. Going, that is, on the lookout for something that will feed our need for escapism and fun.

Towards the end of Tuesday morning’s session, Nod Knowles, from the Bath Festivals, reported that despite the economic situation which has affected everyone from prince to pauper, ticket sales for the forthcoming literature festival are better than ever.

In addition, I was delighted as a keen fan of both film and the Little Theatre, to see our report that this superb cinema had its most successful week ever in January.

The signs are therefore clear – when money is tight, people are still prepared to dig deep to find ways to cheer themselves up and, for that reason, the idea of a comedy festival in the bleak midwinter of our economic gloom suddenly seems very logical.

Of course, people will only turn up for entertainment if it is of good quality and that is where the literature festival, the Little Theatre, the comedy festival and indeed the Theatre Royal (have you seen their latest fantastic, star-studded programme?) have scored.

When every penny counts, every event must be of a standard to get us to part with that cash and it seems all the local entertainment providers have taken up residence on Quality Street.

But can a comedy festival or indeed a dance, singing, music or fringe one really work in a climate where there are more tears than cheers?

The answer is an emphatic yes because we need quality art, quality culture and great escapism now more than ever.