Clapping at the cinema? Not cricket is it?

Apologies for the delay in posting. This appeared in the Bath Chronicle on Thursday, March 18.

Something really unusual happened at the Little Theatre in Bath at around 10.15 on Sunday night.

And that was as the credits went up at the end of the film, people did something you are not expected to do in a cinema.

They clapped.

Loudly.

At a theatre show when the people who have entertained you can hear your response then this is fine. But what about for a film where none of the participants was within, say, 3,000 miles of the screening?

Now that IS unusual.

The film in question was Michael Moore's latest polemic; Capitalism – A Love Story. For those who don't know, Mr Moore is that rare thing in America, an out-and-out 'lefty'. He has made TV programmes and films which are always interesting and full of ideas and no matter what your politics you will find something that either raises your spirits or your blood pressure.


Like all good political performers he has the ability to equally engage those who love his philosophy and those who loathe it. And his latest work is no exception – it earned applause in Bath but, I suspect, will earn an avalanche of rotten tomatoes in Alabama.

I did enjoy the film but that clapping lark still came as something of a shock. It is hardly a British thing to show our emotions at the best of times but to do so for people who can't even hear you?
That's just not cricket.

It did, however, remind me of why cinema remains a golden medium. This spontaneous applause was a rare event but not nearly as rare as people clapping in their own homes after a good TV show or film.

Imagine Jeremy Paxman ending Newsnight with the words 'that's it from us....good night' and people leaping off their sofas in their jim-jams shouting 'bravo Paxo!' Unlikely isn't it?

The fact that cinema can offer this power of collective experience is what contributes to its magic.

I have sat in films where no one wanted to speak at the end (I recall watching Schindler's List where people felt almost reluctant to leave their seats as if it was somehow disrespectful), films where people have stood up and cheered (ET when Elliot's bike flew into the sky) and even films where people started dancing.

The last time I saw dancing in a cinema was, however, a bit embarrassing.

I had gone to see Mamma Mia at the Odeon in Bath and the film replicated the end of the stage show where there is a Dancing Queen reprise and people are encouraged to stand up and jig along. When the film reached the same point two girls leapt to their feet assuming everyone else would do the same.

They didn't.

Our intrepid super troupers were faced with the awful choice; do we carry on dancing and look a bit silly or do we sit down and look a bit silly?

They went for the former.

And duly looked a bit silly.

To be honest I almost felt like clapping when they had finished to make them feel better.

But then again you can't do that in the cinema, can you?

My application for role as Speaker

Dear Gordon,

I would like to apply for the position of Speaker as I understand the role is soon to be vacated.

First of all forgive me if I have sent this to the wrong person but I know you are the ‘top banana’ in these things and having seen your winning smile on You Tube recently I sense you are a kind man who will treat my application seriously.

I think honesty is the best policy – particularly in the light of what many of your naughty colleagues have been up to! – so let me say straight away that I don’t actually fully understand what the Speaker does.

I suspect (to be even more honest) that hardly anyone in the country really does know what this odd job is all about but in recent days everyone seems to have been talking about the role with great gravity as if it is the cornerstone of world civilisation.

That sort of ‘kudos’ sounds good to me and can’t harm the old CV, hence this application. (And hey, the perks don’t seem bad either!).

I was also further encouraged to apply when I heard on that programme where Jeremy Paxman just sneers at everyone (and boy has he been going into sneering overdrive of late!) someone say that The Speaker is the third most important person in the country after The Queen and The Prime Minister.

Now, I know that is a bit ridiculous – had this guy never heard of David Beckham, Simon Cowell, Peggy Mitchell, Katie Price or Susan Boyle I wondered? – but nevertheless I feel as I am unlikely to become a monarch or indeed the PM any time soon this may be the perfect chance for me to finally hit the ‘big time.’

Clearly I am not an MP which may (in itself) be considered a bit of a disadvantage but I do sort of like politics (I have every one of the West Wing DVDs and I love The Thick Of It) and I am sure I can say ‘order, order’ and act statesmanlike as well as the next man (particularly if the ‘next’ man is called Michael Martin!)

I can’t deny I would also like a crack at a bit of power to get over some of my personal concerns.

For example, if we can get a man to the moon and create peace in Northern Ireland how hard can it be to give Bath Rugby an extra 15 per cent of space in our city centre? And I would also like the chance to persuade you and every other MP that not everyone in Bath actually lives in the Royal Crescent and so yes, we do need Government investment in our schools and health service as well thank you.

But, fear not, I won’t be parochial and I will take an interest in the whole country – yes, even Bristol.

I will also make sure that unlike the last bloke I really will crack down on MPs’ expenses.

I will, for example, ban MPs from having moats wider than the sort children put around sandcastles, I make sure that the only horse manure MPs can use is what they have personally collected themselves from nearby farms (local manure for local people I say!) and I will also ban Hazel Blears.

Above all I can be fair (well, sometimes), impartial (apart from at sporting events) and I am sure I will look very good in black gowns.

Mr Brown, I know this is a tough time for you (I have to keep replaying that You Tube video to remind me what it was like when you actually even smiled) but I believe by making me Speaker you can remove one big obstacle from your life. You can then return to dealing with issues that are obviously easier for you like, err, the economy.


Best wishes from your next third most important person in the UK . . .

Sam