The concept of the 'bucket list' derives from the idea of setting out all the things you want to achieve before you depart this mortal coil.
The idea was spotlighted in 2007 when Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman starred in film (called The Bucket List, of course) where they ticked off a big chunk of things to do before cancer got the better of them. The film wasn't supposed to be all that great (hence it is not on my bucket list to see it) but the idea must have got a lot of people thinking.
I am sure most of you can rattle off your own ways to fill up your proverbial buckets and so to get you all started I took great delight in compiling my own list. It is not definitive, it is not terribly serious (something of an understatement) and above all, and I feel I must stress this, it is not terribly worthy either.
Sure I would love to see the Second Coming, see all my family and friends prosper, win the Lottery, see the Chronicle sell more than The Sun and welcome in world peace and the end of global poverty. But I am setting the rules here and I declare that for my list (and yours) you can be as selfish and as decidedly unworthy as possible.
Hence here is my completely worthless bucket list. It is my view as of Tuesday 6pm after literally seconds of thinking, and I can assure you come 7pm it will have changed totally.
- See England win the World Cup. On penalties. Against Germany.
- Work out which one is Ant and which one Dec.
- Visit New York, go to Israel (again) and visit somewhere exotic no one else has ever been. And Dundee.
- Hear my favourite band (The Stranglers) play my favourite song again (Down In The Sewer) surrounded by my favourite music fans (Strangler ones). All within walking distance of home. They are pictured here - pretty bunch hey?
- See Curly Wurlys return to their original size – and chewy Texans make a comeback.
- See Josiah Bartlett (The West Wing) made US President with Larry David, pictured, as his Vice President (the world would be on the brink on a daily basis). Oh, and see Jimmy McNulty, from The Wire, put in charge of the US police.
- See Garth Crooks win an award for making The Most Obvious Sports Comments Ever Heard on TV.
- Go a whole month where 'no weather records are broken since records began'.
- See someone get to the moon – just to prove the Americans actually did.
- Go a whole week of editing the letters pages in the Chronicle without finding anyone moaning about anything.
- See the rules of food alter so consuming lots of chocolate, curry and beer makes you thinner while cucumber and celery are derided for making people put on weight.
- See Phil Collins music banned from the airwaves.
- See Tiswas brought back to our screens. It remains Chris Tarrant's best moment. And Spit the Dog's only one.
- Watch a whole X Factor without someone saying "this means everything to me/this is my dream/please, Simon, please, please let me through".
- See Brian Clough given a posthumous knighthood. And a good chunk of the UK to boot.
- See a new dictionary introduced with an easier way of spelling rhythm. I mean, why two 'h's?
- Being able to find a way to avoid kicking the bucket in the first place!